Six months ago, I walked out of a Rend Collective concert feeling incredibly convicted God was calling me back to the mission field. It was a roller coaster of emotions and processing, trying to figure out what exactly “back to the mission field” entailed – where I was going, what I was doing, when I was leaving, how the finances would be provided. That last one especially. If you were around in my pre-World Race days, you know that fundraising was one of my biggest struggles. I fought to meet deadlines, I fought against doubt and fear and the nightmare of “what if I don’t get to leave with my squad?”
A few years ago, when I was fundraising for the World Race, just before I was about to leave I had this massive deadline to meet. I was nowhere near meeting it and I was on the verge of being unable to leave. If I had had to push back my trip, it came with an incredibly long list of complications. It was just this nerve-wracking horrible feeling.
I was house-sitting for a friend just prior to leaving. I remember getting back to her house fairly late one night and getting out of the car to go inside. That night, the stars were just incredible. For me, where I feel God the most, see God the most, and connect with God the most has always been in creation. But the stars have always just been this special unique gift God gives me. It stems back to my very first mission trip to the Navajo Reservation in 2012 where we stood out on our last night there and sang worship songs for hours under the Milky Way. It was the first time I had ever seen it. This moment, standing outside my friend’s house, brought me back to that moment.
While I never ever would have thought the mission field would be my calling, I know now that God has slowly been laying the foundation for quite a few years. As I was standing just outside my car, I remember very clearly hearing God say, “I have provided for you before, so why is this any different?”
It is true. I had seen so much provision leading up to that moment. So why would this time be any different? God had a plan, even if I was not clued into that plan, and His plan is so good. I did not know His plan though, so I let my fear of the unknown and at the time my desire to be in control take over.
Now, going back out onto the mission field again, He has been laying the ground work for awhile. The two years at home, since returning from the World Race, have been necessary. It has been hard, it has been good, it has been joy-filled, and it has been every emotion under the sun. While I have been very grateful for an awkward season of transition, and a lot of good has come out of it, it has been unbelievably frustrating to not know exactly what God had next for me.
As someone who is typically Type A, super detail-oriented, and a planner, not knowing God’s plan for my life has been a challenge, especially when watching everyone else seem to live out their God given plan. But I know so deeply that His plan is good and perfect and life-giving and better than I could have ever imagined it. I know that while I have dreams for my life that I would love to see happen, I know that God has better dreams. I know that the more I align my heart with His, the more His dreams will become my dreams. And even though I know that it is hard, I know it is good.
On a recent drive up the I-5 corridor back to Bellingham, I caught the sunset play out across the sky. I could see the silhouette of the Olympic Mountains on the west, to the east I could see the Cascade Mountains, and to the north I could see Canada’s Coastal Mountains. The highway is not the typical view I prefer, but in one drive I got to see the sunset, three different mountain ranges, and Mount Rainier. And it was just this beautiful reminder, once again, that God has a plan, that He will provide, and that He is such a good, good Father.
These next couple months as I fundraise and prepare to move across the country to Georgia for Center for Global Action (CGA) – an incredible leadership and discipleship school through the same organization as the Race – are going to be wild. I don’t know what God has planned or how everything will play out, but I do know His plan is good and I can rest in that.
